fall down 7 times, get back up 8!

What has been my motivation the last 2 weeks, has now been the reason for my lack of exercise motivation: the date I’ve mentioned, didn’t turn out to be. I got dumped.

Although I have been pretty persistent over the last month or so with my workouts, I couldn’t get myself to workout since Wednesday evening. I was so upset about his behaviour (or rather lack thereof), that I wasn’t able to put in any strength in my body. I was just occupied with my emotions – and still am. I know better times are ahead, but I just can’t get over my self-pity right now. I didn’t binge on anything (except today on some gummybears), and it’s not like I rolled around in my bed all the time. But I didn’t explicitly put in time to workout either. I set my alarm clock for a morning workout on Thursday, but slept in because I was not feeling it at all. And one morning I actually laid in bed for an hour, instead of using my insomnia for a workout.

It’s incredible how much mental pain is taking over my whole routine and life. On the good side, I didn’t binge but rather was lacking any sort of appetite. I did eat, but I got sick very quickly. I’m very glad that my mother decided to jump on the healthy diet wagon with me in that particular time (I only realised today when we went grocery shopping and the basket was actually filled with veggies and fruit, instead of sugary things!)

Tomorrow will be a new day. I just need to move on and do things again. I didn’t even finish my ab-challenge that I started late December, but I’ll get back into it again! This time is different, because I know it’s okay to have a bad day – or a few of them. But it’s important to not let it take you back down, but get back into it again. And again.
I’m sure the scale is up. But that’s okay. We’re doing a long-term thing here!

Let’s move on!

fall down 7 times, get back up 8!

going strong

Having a target to reach is so much more helpful than any kind of mind-game to me.

I’m having a date in a week, and it got me going so much more than anything else. He’s quite sporty, so that’s why (don’t get me wrong, he knows what I look like and he said he didn’t bother.. but it’s still in my mind).
Let me give you an example though: Yesterday my mom asked me how many little cheese cakes I wanted, and although I was very hungry and wanted to eat 4, I said way less than I first wanted. I didn’t quite grab a chocolate that fast than I used to, having in mind that I could lose a few pounds in a week, if I really thought about what I’m eating.

I also got up at 5am yesterday, to do some morning yoga. It just keeps you going, instead of just planning it in your head, right?!
Also the abchallenge is going strong and I really start to see some changes in my stomach, which I actually didn’t expect. So I’m going on with it 🙂

I also received my new scale this week and will update my weight on the weekend with it.

Plus I’m having some kind of weird stomach flu – or not really. But I’m feeling very sick after I eat whatever food (haven’t found one yet, that didn’t let me feel that way), which also keeps my portions rather small. Good on me. I’m just not sure if it’s my mind or not – but it’s working.

going strong

first loss of the year!

Getting back on that weightloss wagon is going strong. Well, strong might be the wrong word, but it is going on. Hah.

I did get back down to 75.6kg as of yesterday, so that’s a -1.8kg loss since January 4th. That is awesome! The other stats right now:

  • 42.7% fat
  • 24.2% muscle

Which definitely is not that great, but it’s going down and that’s all that matters, right?! I also ordered a new scale for my own, so that I didn’t have to use my mother’s all the time. And I am very excited for it to arrive. It does connect to my phone, so I can simply screenshot from now on! Yay! Doing everything to get onto that healthy lifestyle, right?!

As me2017-01-14-10-45-06ntioned on my instagram, I am currently participating in the 30 day ab challenge and although I did miss some days, I always caught up again… so maybe that’s the way to keep me on track with workouts. I didn’t get 3 workouts in this week, due to a lot of appointments and not getting home until like 10pm. But I always squeezed in the challenge. I did a 40 minutes pilates workout in the middle of the week and will go for a run today. So that’ll get me to 2 workouts this week plus a lot of walking (30min+ each day) to school, when I usually would take the bus. Slowly but surely getting a difference in that lifestyle.

Also took a picture of myself yesterday, because I was feeling quite good about that weightloss and changes in my tummy (although it actually doesn’t look like it in that picture).

We can do it! I’m off to get that ab challenge done now, as I’m a day behind. Tomorrow are my exams, so I should have some more time off again afterwards. So glad about it!

first loss of the year!

excuses all around

I really don’t understand myself sometimes.

I know how much better I feel when I workout.
I know how much better my digestion works when I drink enough. Or my skin feels better.
I know that I have the time to workout.
I know how energised I feel after a workout. How much more happy and positive.

So why do I always stop? I don’t know. I really don’t.

When I wrote up that post on Tuesday, this spirit came back to me again. I had been thinking about getting on the wagon again for probably a month now. I mean, I did notice the clothes not sitting quite right, that they got a little tighter around my thighs and bump. How my belly was more. I knew I had gained weight and that probably was the main reason I didn’t weigh myself anymore. I knew I was back up and probably had overgone my highest weight. But I just couldn’t bring myself to workout again. I felt like my times was wasted, I didn’t have much time anyway, with all the studying and school, and medical stuff going on. Bare in mind, I really do have a busy week, but then again… I don’t have any hobbies, and sitting in front of the TV for the rest of the day isn’t really that exciting, right? Why not walk in front of the TV like I did before?

Then I saw that picture. And actually felt disgusted. Disgusted, because I knew all the benefits from a healthy life. I had been there before. Why let it slip off?!

After I wrote that post, I have actually done a workout each day. Sure, I’m on holidays right now – I do have lots of spare time. But really? I quick 30min yoga video can do. I also thought about probably getting up in the morning and doing a quick session before going to school. Why not? 30 minutes won’t hurt my sleep. I can go to bed earlier. Excuses all around! I’ll see if I can manage to do that, because in the evening the excuses just build up, and I do need lots of time right now for studying (exams are a week off). But then when I’m back at work, I’ll tell myself I’m too tired in the evening. The excuses are always around, I need to learn and fight against those. Fight against my habits. Break through.

I do feel like my instagram account will help somewhat. I hope so. So let’s do that. Again.

excuses all around

Instagram!

Hey guys, just to let you quickly know:

I created a instagram account just for this weightloss journey I’m on, so I’m hoping to get my bum moving… it’s just so much easier to quickly take a picture and add a caption, than writing up a whole post, right?! So maybe this will get me going.

Let me know about your instagram, or just add me?! I would love to see a lot of weightloss profiles on my newsfeed to pop up! And to keep me motivated!

My instagram is: lazygoaway

 

Instagram!

2017’s resolutions

So this blog has been a pretty big failure ever since I created it, right? I’m not going into any of the “new year – new me”-shit. Because it ain’t. What really has opened my eyes (for probably the billionth time) was an x-ray I had to get yesterday and I compared the pictures to the one I took a little over a year ago. And how fat I actually look in them. I was clearly in shock. Even my mom said “did you really gain that much weight?” I didn’t realise so either. I really didn’t. But pictures show proof, right?

Don’t mind my organs and what is black (it’s just an indicator of where my body is burning glucose), but just look at that tummy area, it’s ridiculous!

comparision

Sure, it’s not like I gained 20kg, but it’s still enough. I actually haven’t stood on a scale in quite a while. I wanted to weigh in this morning, but then I forgot and ate breakfast, so it wouldn’t really have been accurate (I just did and I’m at 77.4kg – wow, great girl. You really went on a binge though).

It’s not really that surprising to me though. I haven’t worked out in ages – no more daily walking or anything the like, I didn’t really bother what I ate either. I just tried to get my water in, but that’s not gonna make me lose any weight, right?

So it’s high time I get back on that wagon, and stay on it for real this time. So even though I do not like New Year’s resolution, here’s a list of things I want to achieve in 2017:

  • Drink 2l of water a day at least – no more coffee or soda.
  • No more eating between the main meals, especially at night. It’s okay to have a chocolate every now and then, but limit myself to the amount of times.
    But don’t get myself onto a binge marathon either, so if I really crave something for quite a while, I should have it to prevent that binge.
  • Do any kind of exercise at least 3 times a week, even if I’m having a stressful day. There’s always 30 minutes to squeeze in somewhere!
  • Limit the processed food intake, or sodium intake overall.

I don’t want to force myself to lose a certain amount of weight by any set date. But I do need a reachable goal for now, something to fight for, right? So for now I would like to get back down to 75kg until February 28th. This is a loss of 2.4kg in almost 2 month, which is totally more than achievable. But we all know how setting goals that are not as easy to achieve will make us feel, right?

How do I plan on making this work?

  • Meal plan for the week. And really get my mom into this. It’s the hardest to live with her, really. I do want to limit my portions, because right now I just eat however much I want. I need to teach my stomach, how he can deal with less than that. But she’s making it so hard, giving me all the food she doesn’t want anymore. And she also really likes to cook unhealthy, which just makes it that more difficult. Although she wants to lose weight herself, I have tried to get her on the healthy diet-wagon so many times, failing miserably because after a few weeks I was so over arguing about the food all the time.
  • I also really need to move out after I finish uni in 2018.
  • Drink whenever I feel hungry between those meals to ease my stomach. See if he really is hungry.
  • Make a workout plan. I downloaded several apps with easy and short workouts. Plan this time into my daily life again.

My treadmill hasn’t been used in probably 4 months. You remember these times I went on 1hour walks every day? Yeah, they were past. I read myself into HIIT workouts this morning, and I probably will try to do those. For now I plan to do pilates, low impact cardio and HIIT workouts once a week.

I would really like to write it down, or use an app. Does anybody know a good app to plan out your meals or/and exercise for the week? I did use MFP to track it, but I want to actually plan it ahead of time. Anybody?

Any help is much appreciated, I feel like so left alone with the weightloss, because all of my friends are already pretty lean and my mom isn’t really into it (which I do understand at her age.. but you know).

I know I can do it, I just need the determination to get through my stubborn head and habits.

So I hope to be a bit more active on here. I would also like to follow some more weightloss blogs, so let me know if you’re one of them! Because I really do feel so alone on this journey, although I know I am not!

2017’s resolutions

my health story… (somewhat)

I didn’t know where to write about these feelings.

As I have mentioned several times before, I suffer from a disease. It is called Osteomyelitis. They first discovered this when I was shortly before turning 16. It’s an inflammation of the bone (marrow) – in my case the jaw – which usually goes away after antibiotic therapy. Usually this happens when you have an open fracture or a tooth that has infected at the bottom and the bacterias go over to the bone (marrow).
As you might guess already, it has become chronic for me, as I’ve been dealing with this for the last 10 years (August marked 10 years). I’ve never had any of the things mentioned above, so they don’t know why I got it in the first place. And therefore they didn’t/don’t know how to treat it. They have tried a lot of things to get rid of this, such as long antibiotic therapy (as in 1.5 years), surgical interventions, taking antiphlogistic meds or just doing nothing and taking painkillers whenever needed. Nothing has really made a difference. By now I have been living with it pretty good, ever since I started going to acupuncture on a weekly basis, things have gotten a lot better (as in, I’m not in constant pain anymore).

A month ago I got my first iron infusion, ever since things have improved. I have not taken any sort of painkillers ever since, so I am most happy about this. My doctor of course is not, because obviously my bone is still not the way it should be. So he wanted to get me on an anti-osteoporosis therapy. Don’t ask me why, it’s way too complicated.

But let’s get to the reason of this whole post:
2 weeks ago I got my first injection with Prolia. I asked my doctor for any side effects to which he just told me that I might get an local allergic reaction (which I did) and worst of all it could lead to osteonecrosis (so my jaw bone would die.. which it already did, so no big deal). He didn’t mention anything else, but I guessed that there were a lot more, as my specialist told me that it has quite a few side effect (did not mention them either though).
Over the course of the last 2 weeks I noticed that my feet and hands kept falling asleep. They tingled, sometimes for over an hour, several times a day. At first I didn’t think much of it, I wrote it off to wearing my bracelets too tight or sitting in an awkward position. However when about a week ago my whole arm would start to tingle whilst driving in my car I started to think about it some more. I knew I didn’t do anything to irritate my nerve.
As I am a nurse, I do know the anatomic structures of the body and tried to make sense of this side effect – or rather if it was a side effect of Prolia. I couldn’t understand, so I asked a colleague to google the side effects of Prolia (I didn’t want to know them all, in case I would start to imagine them) and it definitely is one of them. It is mentioned with the caption to call the doctor straight away if any sort of these sensations would turn up.

I didn’t call him, because I’m just like that. I just hoped it would go away again. I make excuses to make these things go away when I ignore them long enough (I know how stupid this is). But then last Saturday it started to tingle all over my body and I started to panic. I didn’t talk to my mom, I just said that it got worse and even started to write down all the medication I had gotten the last 2 weeks, if my heart would decide to give up – the tingle sensation seems to be a side effect of lack of calcium, and too little calcium can make your heart go crazy rhythms. I tried to get my mind off things, and it worked for the time being.

However I have noticed the effect it has on my mood and mind. I am so scared to go out, or be alone. I feel very anxious and don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to call the doctor, in case I was making things up in my mind. But I ended up doing so anyway, because my acupuncture therapist told me to see him (she used to work in a ICU, so you know).

He hasn’t called back yet, but I’m really scared of the future. My doctor planned for another 5 injections over the next 6 months and reading about Prolia it is indicated to get injected twice a year. How bad would these side effects increase, if I get my next injection in 2 weeks again? I’m really scared to decide what to do. Live with those side effects, or live with my jaw bone being damaged anyway. There’s no reliance that Prolia will save my bone, so what do I do?

I don’t know. I’m just scared.

my health story… (somewhat)